It’s really only over the past couple of weeks that I’ve come to appreciate how lucky I am to be living literally across the road from the beach. For some reason, over Christmas I finally decided it was time to put self-consciousness aside and go swimming…the first time I’ve been in a swimsuit out in public for over 20 years, maybe longer. So it’s a pretty huge thing for me. Only took me six months of living a minute’s walk away to do it…crazy, I know.
In reaching this milestone of sorts, I want to make it clear that it’s not because I’ve finally achieved a ‘beach body’ of any description, and now feel the need to get out there an flaunt it…far from it. In fact it would probably be true to say that I’m actually the heaviest and most out of shape I’ve EVER been in my life. Which rather than making me MORE self-conscious, is adding to the feeling of freedom I’m getting from the whole thing. I just don’t care any more whether people judge me for my wobbly thighs or my huge bum…well, I care a little bit, I’ll be honest…maybe a bit more work to be done on that perhaps. But the point is, I care FAR LESS than I don’t care, and after a life long battle against crippling self-criticism, it’s nice to see the scales start to tip in a direction that is far kinder to myself, even if the other scales seem to resolutely keep going up up UP.
And the feeling of stepping into the sea water and swimming out into the waves…I can’t believe I’ve allowed myself to be robbed of that for so long. It really is pitiful. Once I am immersed in that warm salty bath, under the vast spreading sky, and with the sand between my toes…all cares vanish. I am just me…me and the sea. It’s magical. And the thought that I was living so close to it for so long and felt too fearful of the judgements of others to get out there and enjoy it…makes me quite sad, really. Anyway…I’ve moved past that now, thank goodness.
So…despite all the challenges and set-backs I’ve endured over the past six months since moving to this seaside idyll…I’m starting to see what the plan was when I felt the pull to up stakes and head north. Not quite what I thought that plan was, of course…but a pretty amazing journey nonetheless.
On that note, here is today’s post-beach, no filter breakfast…
Now to continue enjoying my last official day of freedom before heading back to work (I don’t count the weekend as I’ll be busy prepping for a new year…and god knows what next week…)